This is a topic on the Parenting Aspergers Blog, and I have to tell you that my heart broke reading the comments. Yes, some were stories of inspiration, but others are stories of absolute horror. Sadly, I could relate to both, and it inspired me to get back to working on this blog. You know there are so many of us out there - parents of mis-understood children... we must reach out to one another and form an alliance. There is strength in numbers, and Lord knows we need strength!
I could relate the mother who said that her son hates the color red. You just know that there are going to be people who think that is just so ridiculous and that the child is just a manipulative brat. So what if he hates red, you can almost hear those who don't get it say. If I had a dollar for everytime someone (including professtionals and my own mother) responded to my explaining something about him by telling me that "everyone has those ____ (fill in blank), or...he just needs to be disciplined, or...you are spoiling him".
Returning to school from Christmas break, I advised his teacher that he was struggling with the transition. "Everyone has a hard time getting back to school after a long break", was her response. Sure they do. I don't dispute that. However, most children can cope with those transitions fairly easily. It is very frustrating to know that you are viewed as over protective, and even perhaps that you are making excuses for your child. Frustrating and infuriating.
Don't get me wrong, I feel fortunate that my son is in an excellent school, and he has had the benefit of amazing and caring teachers. Still, there are times that you just know they don't get it. And I don't blame them for not getting it, but it can be difficult knowing you are seen as the problem.
I participate in a few different parent forums, and learned something interesting from a mother who seemed to be dealing with a very similar situation as many of us are. This is a summary of my conversation with her:
Brilliant isn't it? I am a big believer in the Law of Attraction, and this approach is completely in keeping with the law. Expressing gratitude puts you in alignment with the Universe. I shall endeavor to use this approach. I am in fact grateful for the effort that the people around my son give him. And I am grateful for the times that they do "get it".I have learned how to fight for my son. It is not by getting angry (tried that). It is not be rolling your eyes and walking away when you are made out to be an overprotective incompetent parent (tried that too). Getting angry and
overly emotional only solidifies their belief that you are not competent. Instead, praise them. It may sound silly, but it works. Teachers, doctors,behavior specialists, counsellors and other "professionals" are often egomaniacs. They respond very well to praise and you can actually bring them around to your way of thinking - I'm not kidding.
That may sound condesending and highly manipulative, and maybe it is, but when you are dealing with your child's future, you do what you have to do. I treat the professionals as I treat my children, and they respond in much the same way. I praise what is working, and explain why its working, express my gratitude for their special care and consideration - and guess what... they eat it up like candy and come
back for more.
